glad to know i'm not the only one

By lady_k on Sat, 12-17-11, 08:28

Posted in Group:

Healthy Sex

glad to know that i am not the only one here who has a horrible sex life, lack of sex drive, etc. well....... i hve never told this to anyone else before at all so now i guess i will tell a bunch of strangers on a support group website. I have NEVER had an orgasam. EVER. sometimes I can go for months with no sexual drive, libido, or what every ou call it. I am married to a great guy who tries to be supportive of my issues but i can tell that it gets to him sometimes. he has his own worries too. like ed at a very young age so that adds a lot of "blahness" to the sexual table too. sometimes its like i can tell there is something going on down there but can't feel anything at all??? like somebody rubed numming lube on me or something. I even have fallen alseep durring it?? i have only ever had sex with one partenr. my hubby and i have only ever been his only person. so we are not very practiced you can say. but i would think after 5 yrs something would give. ok so that was really emabarassing. pleasae be nice . like i said i have never ever shared any of this before.

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By Soft on Sat, 12-17-11, 15:51

lady: In all seriousness, go buy a vibrator. It will stimulate you in ways that a penis, hand or tongue cannot. Use it by yourself; not with hubby. Once you figure out how to give yourself an orgasm, you can show him how to use the vibrator on you. This may sound oversimplistic, and maybe you've already tried it, but if not, I hope this is the solution to your problem. I believe you will find sex a lot more intersting if your husband is not the only one getting off.

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By lady_k on Sat, 12-17-11, 16:15

oh yea it gets to me after a while that he is the only one enjoying it. and then it sucks worse that when i am FINALLY enjoying it. his ed will kick in. ugh. its frustrateing on both ends. I have never tried a vibrator or anything like that before. I would be absolutly mortified if anybody was to ever find it or knew i had one. I have thought of it. I went through alot of social neglect, and emotional abuse as a kid and teen, so i still have those voices in the back of my mind that tell me that i am being "dirty" doing stuff like that. I don't want to hurt hubbys feelings either.

"A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities." -J. R. R. Tolkien

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By JessicaC on Sat, 12-17-11, 16:00

I'm not goingt o laugh at you or make fun... i think that is horrible! I feel badly for you!

Though Hollywood and pornography tells us otherwise, most women cannot reach orgasm just by intercourse... that is not unusual at all... . I have never had an orgasm unless I had some help either from him or me.

get yourself a vibrator and play together... you don't have ot answer this, but have you ever had him do oral on you? that didn't help you?

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By lady_k on Sat, 12-17-11, 16:17

thanks for not laughing at me :) and thanks for the feeling. it is really hard to go to anybody at all about this. so i figured why not?? i never liked oral. it made me feel to "dirty" cause i have other issues ging on down there. and we both get fever blisters, so just trying to be safe.

"A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities." -J. R. R. Tolkien

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By lady_k on Sat, 12-17-11, 16:19

and to make matters worse. i haev never mentioned this to a gyno either cause of course i live in the middle of no where small town usa, where everybody knows everybodys' business, and some of the nurses there are girls who used to bully me in school. i know thats alittle drama stuff but i really would hate for stuff like that to get around. :/

"A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities." -J. R. R. Tolkien

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By JessicaC on Sat, 12-17-11, 16:51

oral kicks ass by the way, LOL... I would think a little more about tryintg that again. just make sure the fever blisters aren't active and try it. I also wanted ot know if maybe you were on antidepressants? or some other medication? meds can have a HORRIBLE effect on your sex life.... sometimes it feels like you've had a shot of novicane down there!

If something were to happen like my husband finished first or he lost his erection I would have him help me finish in other ways. You deserve to get something out of it just as much as he does and if your husband is liek any other man I've met, he would LIKE to help you reach orgasm.
try reading soem self-help books about sexuality, it might help you get past the old guilty feelings we sometimes get when we are young.

Sex is a normal and healthy part of being an adult and especially important in having a fulfiling relationship I think.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By lady_k on Sat, 12-17-11, 17:01

lol yea i would try it. But i need to find the money to go to a gyno first and figure out what is going on down there first before that happens. got some gross stuff that needs to be checked out but no money to do it with. omg once again.... why am i tell ing people this.... this is so embarassing. :(

"A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities." -J. R. R. Tolkien

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By JessicaC on Sat, 12-17-11, 17:11

no, don't be embarssed... it's fine... no judgmenets here
maybe go to the Planned Parenthood... they are good abotu provacy and also you can talk to them about ANYTHING and they never act suprised.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By Soft on Sat, 12-17-11, 20:04

lady: If one of the nurses was to discuss your health, she'd lose her job and license. When doctors have conversations about anything personal the nurse is out of the room. She only enters when the doc is ready for the exam. Your husband has no reason to feel bad if you need a vibrator to orgasm. But if he does feel bad, that will have to be his issue to work out. A real man wants his partner to be pleased, and an intelligent and secure man understands that women are wired differently and require a specific type of stimulation to orgasm. You can buy vibrators online. No one in your busy-body town would ever know.

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By JessicaC on Sat, 12-17-11, 19:42

it might also help if you were to look online and maybe find some kind of percentage... I used ot know it, but I don't anymore... the % of women who can reach orgasm with out some helt of some kind other than intercourse.

Oh I found it:
"The majority of women -- according to most studies, at least 70% -- do not and will not reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse or vagina-only stimulation (like "fingering" that's only about vaginal insertion) only."

you know what I would suggest? when you are alone practice... nobody has ot know you are doing this... just experiment because unles syou know what gets you off there is no way you can tell HIM how to do it. It sound slike you grew up learning that sex was "dirty" you can get pastthat... learning how to feel good when you have sex with yoru husband doesn't make you a whore or dirty, you are SUPPOSED to have satisfying sex with yout husband...
I would also suggestthat you talk to him about this... you don't have ot confess that you never had an orgasm before... but if you were talk to him to say basically "Honey, I wanted to maybe try some new stuff when we make love but I'm embarassed, what do you think of that?" and if he asks you what you want to try just say you aren't sure yet, nothing crazy, but you that you have noticed that sex makes you feel uncomfortable and that you want ot get past that." taht's all that needs ot be said for now. and just see what he says.

you may find out that he's on;y been holding back because of how you react or maybe he is thinkingthe same thing... i guarantee that he wants you to be happy and satisfied when you make love... if we could get a guy to coment on this that would probably be helpful... especially if the guy was a normal everyday guy who was maybe even kind of conservative.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

Support Points: 41485

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